Profile of the Believer - Resolving Conflict (Jumu'ah Khutbah 7/16/10 - Masjid Quba)

Assalaamu ‘Alaikum wa Rahmatullah wa barakatuh

[Opening du'a]

O ye who believe. Avoid much suspicion; indeed some suspicions are sins. And spy not, nor backbite one another. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You would hate it. And fear Allah. Verily Allah is the One who forgives and accepts repentance, Most Merciful. Allah (swt) has also stated that we should obey Allah, His Messenger and those charged with authority over us.

According to Umar, in the Sunan of Imam Darimi, “There is no Islam without community (jama’ah), and there is no community without leadership (Imarah), and there is no leadership (Imarah) without obedience (ta’ah ).” Another term used for leader is Imam as in the ha- dith: “Hold fast to the Muslim community and its leader (Imamahu).” This is in ImamB ay h a q i ’s, as-Sunan al-Kubra, vol. p. 288

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Brothers and sisters, I stand before you today, not as a scholar of Islam, or even as someone who thinks he is the most qualified to speak on this subject. I stand before you today as a brother in Islam. As someone, who, like you is striving day in and day out to live this deen according to the guidance of Allah (swt) and the example of His messenger (saws). My duty here today is to remind myself and to remind you of some of the things that Allah guides us to by way of His book. Allah says in the Qur’an, (Ar-Ra’d 13:28 - In the remembrance of Allah do the hearts find rest - Ala bi dhikrillahi tatmainnul qulub).

In continuing with the ongoing theme of this Jama'at, I will be discussing the profile of the believer, or the mu’min. In particular, today I will focus on what are some of qualities that bring us closer to Allah and strengthen the community and some of the things that cause division and animosity in the community. To do this, I will focus on some of the ayaat in Surah Al-Hujurat (49).

This surah holds a lot of meaning for me. I distinctly remembering it being one of the first surahs I read when I converted. I know it was one of those “early taught” surahs, because it contains the things that should ‘define’ the life of a Muslim. Many converts here understand that. You try to run as fast as you can from the life you had before. You want your Islam to be pristine and black and white. We have learned over the years that Islam is more than just the black and white, but still, there are some things that are very clear. Surah Al-Hujurat brings some of these things to life. So, when the Imam asked me to deliver this khutbah, and I saw that the suggested surah was Al-Hujurat, it really resonated with me. It helped me reconnect with some things that we often need to be reminded of and help us to reshape or refine or redesign the character we want for ourselves.

Parts of this surah came down in the 9th year of the Hijrah. The bloodless conquest of Mecca happened 8 years after the hijrah. In the 9th year, various desert tribes came to pledge the oath of allegiance to the Prophet and to take shahadah on behalf of their tribes. Now remember, you are dealing with desert Arabs. In one instance, they wanted to address the Prophet, so they would go to each one of the apartments that he might have been in, and shouted out to call him out of the house. Their intent was not to be disrepectful. However, Allah is the One who protects the Prophet. So He (swt) revealed the parts in this surah that admonished those who called the prophet out of his apartment by shouting from the outside. So, this is really about manners and respect.

There are 3 topics that Al-Hujurat covers that resonate with me: leadership, conflict and manners. By extension, it therefore centers on the community. I am sure many of you can immediately see that they all go together. If we recall the saying of Umar (RA) in that there is no Islam without community; there is no community without leadership and there is no leadership without obedience. Simplistically putting it, in our community, there are leaders - we are not discussing whether you accept them, like them, follow them or question whether or not they should be leaders; we are just stating a fact that there are leaders in the community.

Then there are also those who are not leaders, in the traditional sense of the word (Imarah/Imam). Because there are leaders, and there are some who are not leaders, there will be conflict. Not speaking about destructive conflict yet - we will come to that. Various things could result in conflict - personal knowledge of the leader, an interaction with the leader, a misinterpretation of something, a disagreement, the leader could have made a wrong call on something or something he said from the minbar that you disliked. So, now you have some sort of conflict, which really is just an interruption or break in human interaction. Just saying that there will be conflict. It is inevitable. Additionally, because we are now dealing with people, we now need to look at the manners with which we interact with each other. Peer to peer, leader to member, within families, wider community, etc., there are manners of interacting that get involved. Conflict can also arise if we think that someone has not engaged with us using the preferred or proper manners. What is clear therefore, is that conflict will arise. Allah does not expect us to not have conflict; what He is most concerned with how to deal with the conflict and address each other. This is what Al-Hujurat deals with in some cases. This is what I want to focus on today. I want to focus on how we address conflict in our community.

I am of the opinion that it is one of the things causes our community to be divided within itself and results in confusion and tension within the community. Not only does it weaken the community, but it destroys the community, like a slow burning fire. When handled inappropriately, it can lead to the weakening of Iman and jeopardize our souls. When our Iman gets weakened and our souls and heart blackened, there is no way we can have a strong community.

Before we continue, I just want you to stop for a minute. Think of a conflict you were recently engaged in. It could have been with a family member (husband, wife, child, sibling, parent), a co-worker, a supervisor, an Imam, a friend, a brother/sister... Any conflict. I want you to think back on three things:

1. How you behaved

2. Did you resolve?

3. If unresolved, what will it cost you to resolve it? What is the price of leaving it unresolved?

I have already stated that conflict is inevitable. How do we know that? Allah states in Qur’an (49:9) that “if two parties among the believers fall to fighting, then make peace between them both.” Allah does two things here: He (swt) lets us know that conflict will probably arise among the believers. From experience we have seen that it will arise. The second thing Allah doesis tell us that if it arises, that we have to strive to make peace. Then He (swt) also goes on to state clearly what our communal responsibility is. This is a fard kafayyah. Allah tells us in 49:10 “The believers are brothers. Therefore make peace/reconciliation between your brothers. And fear Allah so that you may receive mercy”... So, what is the price of NOT reconciling? It is the absence of Allah’s mercy.

Now, what is Allah’s mercy? Let us look at how Allah describes His mercy in Ar-Rahman :

He teaches the Qur’an

He teaches him eloquent speech

Then he goes on to list all of his blessings, and asks you blatantly, which of them will you deny. So, one of the signs of the absence of Allah’s mercy is that you neither see nor pay attention to His signs, nor do you give thanks and praise to Him often for His blessings and favors... This is one of the things that we have to look at. Are we doing what we should do to continue to earn Allah’s mercy? However, one thing is true, He is Ar-Rahman... So, whether we deserve it or not, we STILL get it... We are here, we are able to HEAR, see, speak, walk, eat, etc... All these mercies, in spite of us and who we are and what we do...

So, going back, Allah commands us to make peace between our brothers and sisters so that we may earn His (swt) mercy. This is easy, right? It should be easy to make peace and move beyond conflict when we see it happening. Well sorta... But the things is that if it was so easy, we would be able to do it... But we see that the community is tasked with the obligation to make peace... This is not optional... We have to do it... In a hadith of the Prophet, (saws), collected by Bukhari, the Prophet states, “Help your brother whether he is the oppressor or the oppressed. One of the Sahabah, Anas, was surprised and asked, “Yaa Rasulullah, helping him when he is the oppressed is clear, but how do you help him when he is the oppressor?” The Propeht replied, “You help him by preventing him from oppressing.” But remember, the first step is to make peace and not to determine who is right or wrong - we will address this more later. But, it is difficult to do it if you yourself are unaware of how to deal with conflict that YOU are in. So, let us step back and look at ourselves... Time for some introspection... Let us look at how we prolong conflicts that we are involved in, and how that harms us and the community.

There are some things that really prevent us from moving beyond a conflict interaction. Now remember, a conflict is just a break in human interaction. Our job is to mend it. So let us look at what prevents us from mending that break and smoothe that ripple:

a. Anger - Someone says or does something we do not like, we get angry. In a famous hadith, a companion came to the Prophet and asked for some advice. The Prophet said, “Do not get angry”. The man asked again, and again he repeated it. It happened a third time. Now, why is this important? Why is this? Well, let us look at what happens when we get angry...

One of the first things we may do is to start cursing. In many cases, we may see it as harmless. We may say that we are not cursing at you, we are cursing at the situation. But stop for a minute. What Islam says about foul language:

The behavior of the Prophet (sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam)

Anas bin Malik said: “The Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) was not one who would abuse (others) or say obscene words, or curse (others)…” (Bukhaari)

And Abdullah bin ‘Amr said: “The Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) never used bad language neither a ‘Faahish nor a Mutafaahish. He used to say ‘The best amongst you are those who have the best manners and character.’ (Bukhaari)

And he (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) said: “The believer is not a slanderer, one who curses a great deal, one who indulges in obscenity or who in engages in foul talk.” (Tirmidhi– saheeh by al-Albaani)

“Truly a man utters words to which he attaches no importance, and by them he falls into the Fire of Jahannam, and truly a man utters words to which he attaches no importance, and by them Allah raises him into the Garden.” (Bukhaari)

Not a word does he (or she) utter but there is a watcher by him ready (to record it)’ (Surah Qaaf:18)

However, sometimes we take it a step further and actually invoke Allah’s curse on the person. The prophet said clearly, “Cursing a Muslim is a sin, and fighting him is kufr”.. Here, we clearly see that to invoke Allah’s displeasure on a Muslim is not something that Islam takes lightly or that we are encouraged to do. It is important to remember where this is stemming from - Anger.

Another thing we do when angry, is to say that the person is no longer a Muslim. This merely demonstrates our ignorance of the religion. In Islam, there is a clear distinction between Kufr ‘Aamalee and Kufr Qalbee (Disbelief in Actions and Disbelief of the heart). Which one of these takes you our of Islam? In verse 9 - Allah’s tafsir is the best tafsir - Allah refers to the ones who are fighting as believers. He himself does not take any out of the realm of Islam. However, we see a trend in which a mere act has people labeling us a kaafirs. The scholars of Islam have used the verse to illustrate this point. This is how the khawaarij came into being. The mu’talizat followed this same level of reasoning. During the battle between Ali and Mu’awiyyah, the two groups made a truce. The group that broke away thought that the basis of the negotiations were not based on the book of Allah, so they called both parties disbelievers. What made this even more problematic, was that they said that because of their actions, their blood and wealth were now halal.

We have seen it happen many times in families and in the community. In fact, some of us might be guilty of this.

b. The second thing that prevents us from resolving conflict is pride. What is the view on pride in Islam? We do not have to look far. We can look at the very beginning on man’s creation. 2:34 (Shaytan and pride)

“I shall turn away from My revelations those who show pride in the world wrongfully.” (7.146)

Allah has said in another place in the Quran:

“And in this way Allah does put a seal on every arrogant disdainful heart.” (40.35)

The wrath and punishment of Allah fall on the jealous person. Allah has said:

“Certainly He does not love the proud ones.” (16:23)

Hadith Qudsi - “Pride is My cloak and grandeur is my trousers. If anyone disputes with Me in any one of these (two) I shall admit him into the Hell-fire.”

In Sahih Muslim, it is narrated that the Prophet said, “Arrogance is refusing the truth and belitting people”

Now, let us take it back to Al-Hujurat. In 49:11... Apart from using foul language, when we are in conflict, we tend to start comparing ourselves to the other person. We begin to do things to dehumanize them, so that we can rationalize our superiority. We look at them with disdain and contempt. We even go as far as calling them names. Now, we may say that this is no big thing. But look at what Allah says in the Qur’an... Allah says that we are forbidden from defaming each other or calling each other offensive nicknames. Now we KNOW the messenger of Allah did not intend to offend anyone, so it is important to understand the asbab for this verse. Ibn Kathir narrates in his tafsir that when the Prophet migrated to Madinah, the men their had a couple nicknames. So, the Prophet would call them by one of their names. The Ansar would sometimes then say that so-and-so does not like that particular nickname. So, Allah revealed the verse “nor insult one another by nicknames..” Now, let us put this into context. This was the Prophet - Uswah hasanah (best character). Merely calling someone by a name, maybe to establish relations, but with no bad intent. Allah revealed this verse simply because the person might be offended by the name. How much more TERRIBLE is it when we as Muslims intentionally call each other by names to hurt each others feelings? The ayat was revealed for something far less than what we do. As we persist in doing these things, it does not bring us closer together, but keep us further apart and sustains the conflict that engulfs our community...

And of the worse name-calling is something that suggests wickedness and kufr after we have attained faith.

Let us also look very quickly at an incident that happened during the Prophet’s time: Abu-Dharr Ghifaree, in anger, called Bilal, “You son of a black woman”... The Prophet said, “You are a man who still has jahilyyah in him”.. What did Abu-Dharr then do? He put his head on the ground and insisted that Bilal cross over it, as was a sign of apology.

Now, it is important to note that the ayah does not end with simply telling us that it is wrong. It tells us how to compensate. We have to repent. Repent is not simply apologizing. What is taubah? It involves: asking the person for forgiveness; asking Allah for forgiveness; hating the act and trying not to return to it. The Prophet also said: "There are four signs of one who is repentant: (1) He is sincere to Allah (SWT) in his actions (2) He shuns falsehood (3) He is firmly attached to truth and (4) He is eager to do good."

This is what is required of us as Muslims. Are we doing it?

c. Dishonesty - This is another thing that sustains a conflict. Sometimes we are knowingly dishonest when in a conflict.

‘Abdullaah ibn ‘Amr narrated that the Prophet (sall-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “Four characteristics, if you acquire them, then do worry what you else you have missed in your life: being trustworthy when entrusted, truthfulness in speech, good character, and eat what is allowed.”

Al-Bukhaaree, Muslim and others reported that Ibn Mas’ud narrated that the Prophet (sall-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “Be truthful. Verily truthfulness guides to piety and righteousness, and piety and righteousness guides to paradise. And a person will keep on being truthful and making sure of being truthful until it is written that he is truthful. And stay away from lying. Verily lying guides to sins and sins guide to the hell fire. And a person will keep lying until it is written that he is untruthful.”

d. When we are in conflict, we also begin to engage in personal attacks:

Insulting someone’s character (3 things are sacred - blood, property, character) - Abu Dawud narrates that the Prophet said “All of the Muslim is sacred to the Muslim, his wealth, his honor and his blood. It is evil enough for someone to belittle his Muslim brother”

Now, what are the signs of hypocrisy?

“Whoever has the following four (characteristics) will be a pure hypocrite and whoever has one of them will have one characteristic of hypocrisy until he gives it up: Whenever he is entrusted, he betrays. Whenever he speaks, he lies. Whenever he makes a covenant, he proves treacherous. Whenever he quarrels, he behaves in a very imprudent, evil and insulting manner.”

Brothers and sisters, just to reposition us. I am trying to stress the importance of not letting conflict linger in our community. There are various things that sustain it... All of which are detrimental to our souls because of the actions we may engage in that cause the conflict to linger.

[End of Part 1]

[Part 2]

Resolving conflict

Steps to take to resolve it

Qualities to inculcate

First step is to make peace (Hujurat - Allah will not ask you to do something of others that He does not want you to do for yourself). Strive to be the first to make peace. Allah loves the ones who are the first to do deeds of righteousness.

4 qualities of the believer in the Qur’an?

Have Faith - 49:15 (Believe in Allah and His Messenger without doubt, and strive with their wealth and their lives for the cause of Allah); Al Mu’minun - 23:1 - 11.

Do deeds of righteousness - feed the poor, give charity, help your brothers and sisters

Enjoin Truth - honesty, directness, avoid hypocrisy, no sarcasm

Have patience - keep striving

(You do not just do for yourself, but you encourage each other to do... This is the spirit of this surah)

Honesty

Trustworthiness

People need to trust you

You need to trust others - You can never cheat an honest man

Be introspective... We have lost the Sunnah of finding a place to be alone and truly focussing on our Iman and our relationship to Allah. Is this bid’ah? How did the Prophet receive revelation? No, you do not have to go find a cave somewhere or build a cave in your basement

Avoid suspicion, name calling and all the other things that sustain the view of the other person. (Hujurat)

Ask yourself, do you have any unresolved conflicts? Is it worth the price of your soul or the price of your community to leave them unresolved? If you died tomorrow, is this one of those things that can be held against you on the Day of Reckoning?

Oh Allah, protect us from hypocrisy and save us from the fire whose fuel is men and stones. Oh Allah, truly we have wronged ourselves and we seek your aid and forgiveness over the evil of ourselves and what befalls us through the whisperings of the Shaytan. Oh Allah, help us to be good to our family, elders, neighbours and humanity in general. Assist us and strengthen us in standing for justice and truth wherever it finds us and protect us from weakness and incompetence. Those who are struggling truly in work that is pleasing to you Allah, please grant them success. Bless them. Forgive them. Grant them success Oh Allah, grant them success. Oh Allah, forgive us our sins, bless us, guide us, protect us and save us from the fire. Save us from hypocrisy oh Allah. Save us from hypocrisy oh Allah. Save us from hypocrisy oh Allah. For you have said that “Verily, the hypocrites will be in the lowest depths (grade) of the Fire; no helper will you find for them.” (Quran An-Nisaa’, 4: 145). Save us from hypocrisy. Save us from hypocrisy. Save us from hypocrisy. Forgive us. Protect us from the fire. Protect us from the fire. Protect us from the fire. Forgive us our sins and grant us Jannah. Rabbana aatina fi dunya hasanah was fil akhirahti hasanah wa qina adhhabin-nar...

[Closing du'a]

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