Empathy: The Cement between the Bricks (Masjid Quba | 12/23/11 | 27-1-1433)

(If above player does not work, click "Empathy: The Cement between the Bricks " for audio recording of the khutbah) - [opens in a separate window]


December 23, 2011 | Muharram 27, 1433


Ash-Shuara (26:89)
"إِلَّا مَنْ أَتَى اللَّهَ بِقَلْبٍ سَلِيمٍ 
But only he (will prosper) that brings to Allah a sound heart;
[and when] only he [will be happy] who comes before God with a heart free of evil!”


Al-Balad (90: 12-17)
فَلَا اقْتَحَمَ الْعَقَبَةَ
وَمَا أَدْرَاكَ مَا الْعَقَبَةُ 
فَكُّ رَقَبَةٍ
أَوْ إِطْعَامٌ فِي يَوْمٍ ذِي مَسْغَبَةٍ 
يَتِيمًا ذَا مَقْرَبَةٍ 
أَوْ مِسْكِينًا ذَا مَتْرَبَةٍ
ثُمَّ كَانَ مِنَ الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالصَّبْرِ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالْمَرْحَمَةِ 
But he chooses not to take the steep road. And what could make thee conceive what it is, that steep uphill road?  [It is] the freeing of one's neck [from the burden of sin],or the feeding, upon a day of [one's own] hunger, of an orphan near of kin,or of a needy [stranger] lying in the dust, and being of those who have attained to faith, and who enjoin upon one another patience in adversity, and enjoin upon one another compassion.


Hadith:
Nu'man b. Bashir reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: ?The similitude of believers in egard to mutual love, affection, fellow-feeling is that of one body; when any limb of it aches, the whole body aches, because of sleeplessness and fever.? [Sahih Muslim, Book 032, Number 6258] 
(Juxtapose to a sense of unity that is devoid of substance but rich in form..)


Hadith Qudsi: 
On the Day of Judgment God will say, “O son of Adam, I fell ill and you did not visit me.” The person will say,” O Lord, how could I visit you when You are the Lord of the worlds?” He will say, “Did you know that so-and-so fell ill and you did not visit him? If you had visited him, you would have found Me with him.” 


Part I


Brothers and sisters, I want to speak about something which I say is the “moral fabric of our society.” Today, I want to speak of empathy. I want to speak about its role in our lives as Muslims, what causes its decline and how we can inculcate it to create a more moral, a more ethical, a more just and a more humane community. 


Alhamdulillah, we recently started a new year in the hijri calendar. According to the calendar of the Majlis Ash-Shuraa of Philadelphia, it is Muharram 27, 1433. This is 1433 years after the Prophet (saws) migrated from Mecca to Medina. Where are we now? This month, is a holy month. The Prophet (saws) referred to it as the “Month of Allah.” So we are in a new Islamic/Muslim year. A tradition of this society is to also recognize the start of the new solar year. We are about one week away from that. Irrespective of which year you choose to quote-unquote “acknowledge”, what are we doing to ensure that this new year meets us in better physical, emotional, psychological and most importantly, spiritual health than last year? What steps are we taking to ensure that we are making some sort of change - for the better - in our lives? If change is the essence of growth, then if we are not changing, we are not growing. Even seasons change. Everything around us changes. Are we changing for the better? What are we doing to insure that the broken communities, homes and spirits that we see daily are all in a better shape for the coming year? We know that if we improve our relationship with Allah - which is the main goal - that it will help in all aspects of our lives. At the same time, what are some things we can do to improve our relationships with people? Yes, we need to be compassionate. But, can you show compassion if you have no empathy? For me, that it where it starts; it starts with changing how WE think and feel about others. For me, it starts with the self. For me, it starts with the heart. 


I am not going to get into Al-Ghazzali’s (rahimullah alaihi) discussion of qalb (heart), ruh (spirit), nafs (soul) and aql (intelligence) and how they are related. However, I want to use the definition that it is both the physical piece of flesh in the body as well as that which is the “knowing” and “perceiving” essence of man.


Significance of the heart in Islam

• It is that which we will have to present to Allah
• Ash-Shuara (26:89)
• إِلَّا مَنْ أَتَى اللَّهَ بِقَلْبٍ سَلِيمٍ 
• [and when] only he [will be happy] who comes before God with a heart free of evil!”
• Al-Hadid (57:16)
• "Has not the time come for those who believe for their hearts to fear Allah when they hear the Quran (dhikrullah here is in reference to the Quran) and what truth there is in it, so that they not be like those who received the Scripture before, but in the passage of time, their hearts became hard. And most of them are corrupt."
• Taqwa is in the heart:
• Abu Huraira () reported: The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: “Do not envy, and do not outbid each other,[i] and do not hate, and do not turn away, and do not outsell each other, and be servants of Allah as brothers! The Muslim is the brother of another Muslim. He does not wrong him or humiliate him or look down upon him. Taqwa (mindfulness of Allah) is here!” and he pointed to his chest three times. “It is sufficient evil for a person to look down upon his brother Muslim. All of the Muslim is sacred to another Muslim: his life, his wealth, and his honor.” [Sahih Muslim, Book 032, Number 6219]
• A corrupt heart corrupts the entire system
• Beware! verily there is a piece of flesh in the body of man, which when good, the whole body is good; and when bad, the whole body is bad, and that is the heart.
• Also, Wabisah ibn Ma'bad said: "I came to the Messenger of Allah , who then said: "You came to ask about Al-Bir?' I said "Yes." He said. "Seek the answer in your heart! Al- Bir is that which your inner self feels good about, and that which your heart feels good about. Al-Ithm is that (evil thought) which crosses your mind and which is persistent (as being evil) in your inner-self, even if the people give you a Fatawa, time and again allowing what you feel unease about" (The scholars have described Al-Bir as:"Al-Bir means to keep the relations, to be kind, to be grateful and to be kind with the friends and with one's company that he keeps. It also means to obey; and all these attitudes and types of good behavior combined describe good conduct.")
• Muhammad said, "O Wabisah! are you come to ask what is goodness and what is badness?" Wabisah said, "Yes, I am come for that." Then He joined his fingers and struck them upon Wabisah's breast, that is made a sign towards his heart, and said, "Ask the question from thine own heart." This he repeated three times aloud and said, "Goodness is a thing from which thy heart finds firmness and rest; and badness is a thing which throws thee into doubt, although men may acquit thee."
• Accepted when free of evil
• Imam Al-Ghazzali in Book 21 of his Ihya Ulum ad-din, “The Marvels of the Heart” (Kitab Sharh ’ajaa’ib al-qalb) said “It is the heart that is accepted by God when it is free from all except God, but veiled from God when it becomes wholly occupied with anything other than God.”
• What does Shaytan try to corrupt?
• Where does Shaytan whisper? - Into the hearts of man... 
• الَّذِي يُوَسْوِسُ فِي صُدُورِ النَّاسِ
• “who whispers into the hearts of men”
• Importance of this verse... Shifa - Asbaab
• The Prophet’s heart cleansed
• It was narrated from Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah be pleased with him) that Jibreel came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) when he was playing with the other boys. He took hold of him and threw him to the ground, then he opened his chest and took out his heart, from which he took a clot of blood and said: “This was the Shaytaan’s share of you.” Then he washed it in a vessel of gold that was filled with Zamzam. Then he put it back together and returned it to its place. The boys went running to his mother – meaning his nurse – and said: Muhammad has been killed! They went to him and his colour had changed. Anas said: I used to see the mark of that stitching on his chest. Narrated by Muslim (162).

What is empathy?

• Ability to see someone else’s perspective (cognitive)
• Ability to feel what someone else is feeling (emotive)
• Ability to walk in someone else’s shoes (metacognitive)

Empathy in Islam:

• Hadith Qudsi: 
• On the Day of Judgment God will say, “O son of Adam, I fell ill and you did not visit me.” The person will say,” O Lord, how could I visit you when You are the Lord of the worlds?” He will say, “Did you know that so-and-so fell ill and you did not visit him? If you had visited him, you would have found Me with him.”  This hadith highlights that connection to God in Islam is linked to how you treat others.
• Fasting
• One of the reasons we fast?
• Messenger is grieved that the people experience hardship
• At-Tawbah (9:128)
• "Now has come to you a Messenger from among yourselves: it grieves him that you should experience hardship: ardently anxious is he over you: to the Believers is he most kind and merciful."
• Empathy and Compassion in doing justice
• An incident occurred during the Prophet’s time that  provides Muslims with guidance regarding empathetic and compassionate leadership. A man came to the Prophet (s)  in distress and crying.  As one of the Prophet’s companions, Abu Hurairah narrates what happened, “While we were sitting with the Prophet a man came and said, ‘O God’s Apostle! I have been ruined.’  “The Prophet asked what was the matter with him. He replied “I had sexual intercourse with my wife while I was fasting.” The Prophet asked him, “Can you afford to manumit a slave?” He replied in the negative. The Prophet asked him, “Can you fast for two successive months?” He replied in the negative.The Prophet asked him, “Can you afford to feed sixty poor persons?” He replied in the negative.The Prophet kept silent and while we were in that state, a big basket full of dates was brought to the Prophet. He asked, “Where is the questioner?” He replied, “I am here.” The Prophet said to him, “Take this basket of dates and give it in charity.” The man said, “Should I give it to a person poorer than I? By God; there is no family between its two mountains (i.e. Madinah) who are poorer than I.” The Prophet smiled till his pre-molar teeth became visible and then said, “Feed your family with it.” (Bukhari)
• Empathy and Compassion in dealing with those unjust to you
• One old woman made a habit of throwing rubbish on Prophet Muhammad (s) whenever he passed from her house! Muhammad (s) had to pass that house daily on the way to the mosque. Even when the old woman threw rubbish on him, he would pass silently without showing any anger or annoyance. This was a regular, daily event. One day when the Prophet was passing by, the woman was not there to throw the rubbish. He stopped, and asked the neighbor about her well-being, and wondering why she wasn’t dropping any rubbish on him.The neighbor informed the Prophet that the woman was sick on bed. The Prophet politely asked permission to visit the woman. When allowed he entered the house, the woman thought that he had come there to take his revenge when she was unable to defend herself because of sickness.But the Prophet (s) assured her that he had come to her, not to take any revenge, but to see her and to look after her needs, as it was the command of Allah that if any one is sick, a Muslim should visit him and should help him if his help is needed. The old woman was greatly moved by this kindness and love of the Prophet. By the example of greatness of Muhammad, she understood that he was truly the Prophet of God and Islam was the true religion. She accepted Islam at once, Alhamdulilah.
• Those who treat people the best are elevated
• The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “The most perfect of the believers in faith is he who is the best of them in conduct, and the best of you in conduct are those who are best to their wives.” [Tirmidhi]
• Crying is compassion - not weakness
• A dying child was once placed in the lap of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). Tears flowed from the Prophet's eyes. When he was questioned about crying for the child, the Prophet said: "(Tears are a form of) mercy that God has lodged in the hearts of His servants, and God is merciful only to those of His servants who are merciful (to others)." Sahih Al-Bukhari, Volume 2, Hadith 373
• Even the basis of fighting in Allah’s way is about empathy and compassion
• An-Nisa (4:75): “And what reason you have not to fight in the way of Allah, and of the weak among the men and the women and the children, who say: Our Lord, take us out of this town, whose people are oppressors, and grant us from Thee a friend, and grant us from Thee a helper.” (4:75)

The question we have to continually ask ourselves is: What made him (saws) Uswatun Hasanah? What made his name the most famous name? What made him one of the most influential people of ALL time?


Example in our community where empathy is missing:

• Using Islam to justify diseases in your heart:
• Fathers who hide behind “child of the bed” and other nonsensical things to avoid supporting offspring.
• Recently saw ad saying, “need to get out of child support”???
• I know some people are unjustly brought into the courts, but to NOT want to support your offspring is nonsense. Worse yet to use Islam to do it. How can you claim you have a heart when you see the woman that you slept with and the kids you fathered suffering, and it not move you to do something?
• Drug sellers
• How is that empathetic??? Put yourself in the shoes of the person you are intentionally causing pain to, for no other benefit other than greed and profit... How are you different from the corporate thieves who rape and pillage?
• Lack of wisdom
• Sister fell in West Philly, NEAR a Muslim establishment.Muslims could not pick her up because they could not touch her. A non-Muslim had to do it. 
• We have this statement: “Love for the Sake of Allah” - Rich in form, poor in substance
• Pursuit of greed/Fear of lawsuits
• Time-Warner call-center employee in Ohio dies (told not to stop performing CPR and return to taking calls)
• Animals show more empathy
• Contrast to the Example of even a dog
• Thinking it is someone else’s job
• The image of the 2 year old child in China - people walking by her

What causes a lack of empathy:

• Diseases of the heart
• Shirk
• Anger
• Abu Hurayrah, may Allah accept his deeds, irelated that a man told the Prophet, sallallahu ^alayhi wa sallam, 'Advise me'. The prophet replied: <>. When the man repeatedly asked for an advice the Prophet kept on saying: <> Narrated by al-Bukhari
• Science shows that angers causes different reactions. 
• In another hadith the Prophet peace be upon him praised the one who has self-restrain by saying that the strong man is not strong due to his ability to knock-down others, rather his strength lies in his ability to exercise self-retain when he is angry.
• Pride
• "Who hears the Verses of Allâh (being) recited to him, yet persists with pride as if he heard them not. So announce to him a painful torment!And when he learns something of Our Verses (this Qur’ân), he makes them a jest. For such there will be a humiliating torment.In front of them there is Hell, and that which they have earned will be of no profit to them, nor (will be of any profit to them) those whom they have taken as Auliyâ’ (protectors, helpers, etc.) besides Allâh. And theirs will be a great torment.This (Qur’ân) is a guidance. And those who disbelieve in the Ayât (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) of their Lord, for them there is a painful torment of Rijz (a severe kind of punishment)." (Quran 45:8-11)
• Greed
• Wall-street
• What sparked the revolution? A lack of empathy. Lack of compassion. Leads to hopelessness (yes, they have to deal with that)
• Tunisia - Immolation 
• Envy
• Hatred
• Abu Hurayrah narrated that the Messenger (peace be upon him) said: "The gates of Paradise will be opened on Monday and on Thursdays, and every servant [of Allah] who associates nothing with Allah will be forgiven, except for the man who has a grudge against his brother. [About them] it will be said, 'Delay these two until they are reconciled. Delay these two until they are reconciled. Delay these two until they are reconciled.'"
• The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “Every believer who consoles his brother in distress will be dressed by God in an apparel of honor on the Day of Resurrection.” [Fiqh-us-Sunnah]

Who are the ones who cannot feel empathy?

• People whose heart are blocked up - hearts are hard. What causes the hardening of hearts?
• Failure to remembers Allah - 
• “Verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest” اللّهِ أَلاَ بِذِكْرِ اللّهِ تَطْمَئِنُّ الْقُلُوبُ
• Tatmainnah Qulub - What does this mean? (Soothe, Calm, Serenity, Quiet)
• Where else do we see this? Yaa ayyatahannafsul mutmainnah
• Narcissistic individuals
• Individuals consumed with pride and self-love... They cannot put themselves in the shoes of another person
• Those who have chosen to focus on aql (intelligence / knowledge of reason) at the expense of the knowledge that is felt and pursued by the heart:
• وَقَالُواْ قُلُوبُنَا غُلْفٌ بَل لَّعَنَهُمُ اللَّه بِكُفْرِهِمْ فَقَلِيلاً مَّا يُؤْمِنُونَ  
• But they say, "Our hearts are already full of knowledge."[73] Nay, but God has rejected them because of their refusal to acknowledge the truth: for, few are the things in which they believe.
• Just before this verse, Allah speaks of how He (swt) sent Musa and Isa and other apostles to people and they either reveled in their arrogance and pride, lied to the Messengers about their allegiance and even some they killed. The heart itself is a respository of knowledge. Our communities suffer from two ailments:
• We have neglected the focus on the knowledge of the heart or the knowledge that the heart possesses that brings us closer to Allah. Imam Al-Ghazzali in his Ihya juxtaposes this to the ruh and the nafs... 
• In the cases where we do fill the heart with knowledge, it is that of arrogance and contempt. The very ailments that Allah condemns in this verse. We have adopted the narrative that Islam is ALWAYS in a state of conflict and that we are more angry than we are compassionate. 
• [The hadith in full :- Bukhary, Volume 1, Book 2, Number 49: Narrated An-Nu'man bin Bashir: I heard Allah's Apostle saying, 'Both legal and illegal things are evident but in between them there are doubtful (suspicious) things and most of the people have no knowledge about them. So whoever saves himself from these suspicious things saves his religion and his honor. And whoever indulges in these suspicious things is like a shepherd who grazes (his animals) near the Hima (private pasture) of  someone else and at any moment he is liable to get in it. (O people!) Beware! Every king has a Hima and the Hima of Allah on the earth is His illegal (forbidden) things. Beware! There is a piece of flesh in the body if  it becomes good (reformed) the whole body becomes good but if it gets spoilt the whole body gets spoilt and that is the heart.']
• To connect to the stories in the quran, one must empathize with the prophets and people mentioned..such as orphans and the plight of different groups. Also, one can connect with communities of the past by relating with them and seeing current communities in them.
• A real test in empathy
• Re-read the last sermon of the Prophet (saws). Imagine yourself there, on the 9th of Dhul-Hijjah, 10 years after the Hijrah, near Mt. Arafat. You are standing there, you have witnessed the battles of the Prophet, you have seen the struggles, you know what happened in Mecca, you know of the migration, you have lived in Medina, you have seem a whole region and way of life transformed... This is what you have lived through... Then, your beloved leader and Messenger of Allah in his sermon says, “O People, lend me an attentive ear, for I know not whether after this year, I shall ever be amongst you again. Therefore listen to what I am saying to you very carefully and take these words to those who could not be present here today.”

Remember, we receive more good than we deserve and we are not given the amount of punishment that we deserve. Let us ask Allah to soften our hearts, increase us in gratitude and forgive us our sins.


May Allah (swt) grant us forgiveness, guidance and mercy...


Part II


Brothers and sisters, I have spent some time to try to show that there is always a way to get closer to Allah. We all need to continue finding a way to Allah. We cannot find out way back to Allah if we do not have have compassion for those around us. We cannot have compassion if we do not have empathy. We can try, but it will be fake and superficial. You cannot think about empathy or talk about it - you have to SHOW and FEEL it.


Action Plan:

• Remember Allah
• أَلاَ بِذِكْرِ اللّهِ تَطْمَئِنُّ الْقُلُوبُ
• It is the fear of Allah that brings empathy... 
• Empathy is that which would make a man who fears Allah be empathetic, considerate and compassionate to his family when he considers adding on to his family through polygyny. It is this fear of Allah that makes him realize that 
• The Prophet also said: "If, through fear of (displeasing) God, tears - even the size of a fly's head - fall from any believer's eyes and drop on some part of his cheek, he will be kept away from Hell by God." Al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 1433
• Du’a
• Make SINCERE du’a 
• Ask for Allah’s forgiveness - it will lead you to humility and help soften your heart.
• Ali-Imraan (3:8)
• رَبَّنَا لاَ تُزِغْ قُلُوبَنَا بَعْدَ إِذْ هَدَيْتَنَا وَهَبْ لَنَا مِن لَّدُنكَ رَحْمَةً إِنَّكَ أَنتَ الْوَهَّابُ
• "O our Sustainer! Let not our hearts swerve from the truth after Thou hast guided us; and bestow upon us the gift of Thy grace: verily, Thou art the [true] Giver of Gifts. 
• Al-A'raf (The Heights)7:55
•  ْعُواْ رَبَّكُمْ تَضَرُّعًا وَخُفْيَةً إِنَّهُ لاَ يُحِبُّ الْمُعْتَدِينَ
• "Call unto your Sustainer humbly, and in the secrecy of yourhearts. Verily, He loves not those who transgress the bounds of what is right"
• Say: Astaghfirullah alladhi la ilaha illa huwal hayyul qayyum wa atubu ilaihi (I seek forgiveness of Allah. There is no true god except Allah, the Ever living, the Self-subsisting and I turn to him in repentance)... It is narrated that he who says this, will have his sins forgiven.
• Do good deeds
• Hadith - How can you feel compelled to relieve a burden if you do not feel empathy?
• Abu Hurairah, radiyallahu 'anhu, that the Prophet, sallallahu 'alayhi wasallam, said: "Whosoever relieves from a believer some grief pertaining to this world, Allah will relieve from him some grief pertaining to the Hereafter. Whosoever alleviates the difficulties of a needy person who cannot pay his debt, Allah will alleviate his difficulties in both this world and the Hereafter. Whosoever conceals the faults of a Muslim, Allah will conceal his faults in this world and the Hereafter. Allah will aid a servant (of His) so long as the servant aids his brother. Whosoever follows a path to seek knowledge therein, Allah will make easy for him a path to Paradise. No people gather together in one of the houses of Allah, reciting the Book of Allah and studying it among themselves, except that tranquility descends upon them, mercy covers them, the angels surround them, and Allah makes mention of them amongst those who are in His presence. Whosoever is slowed down by his deeds will not be hastened forward by his lineage."
• Az-Zumar (39:10):
• Say: "O ye my servants who believe! Fear your Lord, good is (the reward) for those who do good in this world. Spacious is Allah's earth! those who patiently persevere will truly receive a reward without measure!"
• Give charity
• Prophet Muhammad, pbuh, said: "give charity, for certainly it extinguishes sin the way water puts out fire". 
• Leaders have a role to play
• The Prophet (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasalam said: " Facilitate things to people (concerning religious matters) and do not make it hard for them and give them good tidings and do not make them run away (from Islam)." SAHIH BUKHARI, VOL.1 BOOK 3 #69

I also want us to take a minute to acknowledge the Allah’s mercies and His blessings and to ask Him to forgive our deceased: Mohammed Fareed, father of Razi Fareed, gunned down in Chester... Our sister Malikah El, Br. Yazid Jones, Br. Zaki Salahuddin, Sr. Hafeezah Nuriddeen... Du’a for our brother Lloyd Bilal whom I heard recently had a stroke. Brothers and sisters, life is short. We do not know when or how we will meet our lord. Let us be grateful for His mercies, thankful for His guidance, fearful of His punishment and compassionate with His creation.